Fear. I don’t think a lot of people understand the word at times, or more so realise that their actions are often being ruled by it.

This isn’t about fear in a situation where your life or health depends on it. We all know that there are circumstances where we need to be controlled by our fear to remove ourselves from harm. In most every day cases, however, this response system is never needed.

The fear I’m talking about is the negative underlying beliefs of ourselves that tend to prevent us from being happy. Here are a few examples that I have pulled from myself and those who close to me.

“I’m not good enough.”
“<Insert name> will more than likely not approve.”
“What will other’s say behind my back?”
“I’m wasting my time.”
“Plenty of people are better than me.”
“I don’t want to lose what I currently have.”

Any of those sound familiar? There are of course many many more, but those are some common ones that I hear from others and I’ve had similar conversations with myself over the years. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes you have to make a decision to put your focus elsewhere that will produce a better result, but there are many instances where the negative internal dialogue such as the ones noted above have prevented us from simply having a go and increasing our chances of finding happiness.

What I’ve found is that most of these self sabotaging fears never really eventuate when you get the guts to take that step into the unknown. It’s almost never as bad as what it seems. Let’s break down the list above and fllllessssshhh it out.

Please note: As with everything in life, its all about perspective and there are many of them (ie: I’m no fucking expert). This is just one perspective from little old me.

“I’m not good enough.”

– That could very well be true, at the moment. Do you think that some of the best people out there were just instantly talented from the get go? Sure, there are a small number of ‘freaks’ (used in the most enduring way) out there, but the majority need to start from nil. You have the privilege of starting where the majority of others have also begun. You might not be good enough yet, but you can be or at the very least be miles better by simply starting.

“<Insert name> will more than likely not approve.”

– Sometimes we worry too much about what others think. Many of us feel pressure from our partners, parents, friends, etc that might not actually exist. This is always a delicate area because relationships with people are extremely varied, however sometimes we create scenarios in our mind with regard to another person’s perception of a situation that may not always be true. I have found personally that many people in my life have assumed that someone might think negatively of them or a potential decision/point of view, but have never actually discussed it with that other person. It’s only later, long past the time, that they discover that the other person did not care whatsoever and as a result, that opportunity is long gone or you’ve wasted a lot of emotional fuel bottling it up. My tip would be to talk to those who’s opinion matters, rather than make an assumption. From there, gauge their reaction and then make a decision as to whether you take on their comments/opinions, or not.

Adding to this very quickly, in those instances where you do receive a backlash from those close to you, you need to take time out to distinguish whether or not their concerns are justified or if emotion is taking over their stance on the subject. Sometimes people’s resistance to a subject or situation is more from their own fears or even previous failures, rather than a true reality of the current situation and having your best interests at hand.

“What will other’s say behind my back?”

– Who gives a shit? Yes, I know. I’m sorry. Easier said than done. Unfortunately for people, we do tend to worry about what others may say. You will find, however, that in most cases, nobody is talking about you. Shock horror. That’s right, most people are too wrapped up in their own world to worry about speaking ill of you. In those cases where others are in fact being vicious behind your back, chances are its due to their own fears and insecurities rather than specifically what you’re doing. The way I see it, if people are talking about me then it means that I’m doing something that is involving action and having an impact one way or the other. Remember folks, it’s all about perspective. I would much rather follow my gut and act on something, regardless of the outcome, than hold back and do nothing at all.

“I’m wasting my time.”

– I see this like failure and it doesn’t exist. As many of the greats say, it’s all feedback and results. There is always some form of benefit from every experience. Of course, there are times then you’re in a counter productive situation and you need to break out of that experience or action/task, but even then it wasn’t waste of time. There is always something to be learnt and built on. This fear should never be a road block to stop you from getting started.

“Plenty of people are better than me.”

– I hate to say it, but there will always be people better than you. There will always be someone more intelligent, stronger, prettier, and better at the things that you love most. That doesn’t mean that you cannot achieve greatness and deep satisfaction in your life. Always aim to be the best you can be but never be disheartened when someone does 1 better. Turn that into fuel to always improve. Be motivated by those who are several steps ahead and learn from them. In the end, every step that you make towards the things you love is far far more than simply doing nothing at all.

“I don’t want to lose what I currently have.”

– I think if you are genuine and you can justify your decisions and actions without hurting or severely impacting people in a negative way, you won’t lose the things that mean most to you. That is not a bullet proof approach of course, but in most cases these fears are not justified and the outcome of confronting a person or situation turns out to be a lot better than initially expected. In those moments where you do lose out, it’s a great opportunity to reflect and see whether you have really in fact lost something important in your life or if in hindsight it’s been a positive change.

 

I’m sure there will be plenty of negative nancies that won’t agree with what I’ve written, but as I’ve said earlier, this is just one perspective. It’s something that I’ve seen a lot of from people that are close to me and it’s definitely not unique to only a small number of people. Fear is a healthy thing to have, but the challenge is taking a step back and realising whether it is a legitimate fear worth acknowledging, or something that is simply holding you back from happiness.

Finally, I’ll end on this. If there is something that you’re holding out on. Something that you’ve been putting off for a long time and it’s eating you up. Imagine the worst possible outcome of making that next step/decision. Think about how that worst scenario would impact you and your life (excluding situations involving death/physical harm). Really blow it up. Once you’ve done that, think about what you would be forced to do if that situation would occur. What would you do? How would you survive? What would you need to do to make things right? Take some serious time to think this over. You’ll find that in the very rare event that anything remotely like this occurs, you’ll realise that you will be able to get through it. You’ll know what needs to be done. With that in mind though, it’s simply unlikely that this the worst possible outcome will ever happen, because our minds always over-inflate a situation out of fear. This is the very thing that stops us from doing more in our lives. If you’re prepared for the absolute worst, then you’ll make that next step with far more confidence.

Are my drawings getting better?